Day 415

Well, it has been a long time since I wrote my last post. At that point of time, I was full of negativeness and unknown fear was gripping me all the time. Since then till today, my mood has swing a lot. Ten days after my last post, my mood was good but I was in hectic mode. After that, again the fear and negativeness gripped me. Today, I’m in mixed mood.  

Actually, now I have surrendered myself to God and Time. I know that God has already decided about my fate. I don’t know what he has decided but he always gives me options to deal with the situations. Whenever I chose wrong decision then as a result wrong things begin to happen with me. But whenever I chose right decision then as a result right things begin to happen with me. But in this month, my right decision turned to be wrong and wrong things happened with me. This led me to anxiety and nervousness. That’s why I was full of negativity. So, I have left all things on time.

That’s why I’m a bit tension free. But I don’t know about tomorrow. Let’s see what happens tomorrow. Somewhere I have read that every new day brings new beginning. You can say that I’m being optimistic. But according to me, I’m trying to become a positive person. But whenever, I’m stuck in crisis I get a bit tensed and stressed.  That time, I get confused and I don’t know what to do and what not to do. That time I try to calm down myself by pacing in the room. Sometimes, it works and sometimes it doesn’t works. You can say that I’m talking rubbish and like a fool. But what to do? Today, I’m a bit stress free that’s why I’m able to write this post. Otherwise I was so much mentally disturbed that I was having time but I wasn’t able to concentrate on writing. Leave writing a meaning post I wasn’t able to write like today also.

But for the sake of writing, I’m writing today. I don’t want to break the rhythm of writing. That’s the main motive for sitting today. I thought that I should write once in a week if not daily. But the past one and half months have made me such a person that I wasn’t able to write even once in a month. I just want to get rid of this situation and habit. I want to write like I wrote in 2012. When no topic was there in my mind then also, I used to write my daily activities. I wish I could continue that habit.